I am fourteen and got my first job: babysitting a four year-old, Stella, and an eight month-old, Brady. At first I thought it would be great, my mom helped me pick out books to bring to read to them and gave me lessons on how to change diapers. When I arrived, the kids were so cute and sweet, and then their parents left and everything came undone.
I tried to read to them, but Stella started screaming that she wanted to play with my phone and the baby started chewing on the book! I pried the book out of the massive, and strong, baby fists and then Stella went into the kitchen and threw an open bag of Cheerios at me!
Cheerios got everywhere! In my hair, in the carpet, in the baby’s slobber, down the heating vents and I had no idea what to do. I mean, who throws Cheerios, am I right?
I put the baby down, and told her to help me clean up, but she ran like a driver on Grand Theft Auto, grabbed my phone and locked herself in the closet, where she somehow managed to Snap with my best friend’s boyfriend using only emojis and posted like fifteen pictures of her eyeballs to my Instagram.
The baby was eating the cereal off the floor, but because he was so drooly, the cereal stuck to him and before I knew it, he was breaded like a little, chubby chicken nugget.
It took me four hours to give the baby a bath, clean the house, get Stella out of the closet, and get them both to sleep.
Now, my social life is totally ruined, but the parents thought I did a great job and want me to come back.
How do I tell them that their children are, no-joke, probably possessed by the devil and that they should call a priest, not a sitter?
Don’t call in that priest just yet, pumpkin!
The first thing you should do is to pour yourself a good stiff drink, in your case, coffee, sweetcheeks.
Anyway, my pet, I feel obligated to remind you that you, too, were once a child, and everything you just wrote me about, youwere probably guilty of doing to your parents.
Well, except for the Snapchatting with your best-friend’s boyfriend, that is exceptionallycheeky.
If caring for children is not for you, and you would like to earn some money, may I suggest getting a job at a local pet shelter? Cats, and yes, even dogs, love to snuggle, and rarely will they Snapchat or Instagram with anyone! Not to mention, a well-placed picture of some sweet, adoptable kittie is sure to get your social media life back on track.
As for the parents, tell them thank-you, but you simply mustread War and Peace for class (trust me, it’s long), and then give them your best friend’s number.
Love and Virgin Margaritas!