What’s not to love? The masks? The constant need to remind students to make sure the masks cover their noses? The paperwork? The half an hour it takes just to take online attendance? The unending lectures about academic standards falling and it all being our fault? And let’s not forget the lack of adequate compensation?
Please, darlings, forget the stimulus checks, Uncle Sam needs to pony up and buy every teacher in America two weeks in Cancun. With open bar. Never forget the open bar.
The pandemic is ending, the birds are returning, and apparently all anyone in the government seems to want to do is to find ways to make more work for us, by hunting naughty students down and forcing them to rise to some kind of academic standard.
Please, like any of us can afford to give us our summer jobs, darlings! Miss Behave kindly suggests that legislators, in their infinite wisdom, get their precious manicured hands dirty and actually do something for once. Chase down absentee students? Watch students as they take their Google Meets with them to the bathroom? Or better yet, as they brag about the high scores they have just hot during class in the chat they think teachers can’t see? That on YOU, dear legislator. I think I can speak for the entirety of the nation’s teachers in saying that yes, we are done for the year. Done. You would be lucky if any of us are brave enough the enter the classroom come September.
Miss Behave and her fellow teachers will be drinking margaritas by the dozen while sobbing in the corner for the entire two months of summer.
Love and Xanax,
teaching, pandemic, surviving the pandemic, surviving teaching during the pandemic
Hold your hat, cupcake, because Tuesday, July 31st is the release of Miss Management!
Dear Miss Behave,
My son is dating this girl named Chloe. I believe the name is French, and you know what they say about French girls. Anyway, she is terriblyforward. Why, just the other day, she walked up to my son and told him, “Get in the car.” No please, no hello, how are you today, Ma’am? She took one look at my baby and just barked her order, expecting him to jump. He’s thirty, how is this an appropriate way to address anyone? Please tell me how to deal with these appalling manners in a way that ensures that she will not become my daughter-in-law.
Dear Fed Up,
Oh my pet, you simply musttell what it is they say about the French. I do hope it’s kinky.
Anyhow, forward women are inright now, my lamb. So you need to make sure your son is happy, and then turn your attention elsewhere. I suggest using your obsession with proper manners and maybe joining some kind of club, perhaps a bonsai society? Pet grooming? Flower arrangements? Then, once entrenched amidst jars of hydrangeas and carnations, you should be forward yourself, and maybe ask someone new out for a coffee. Or, you know, high tea or something. Own the forward woman thing, darling!
Love and margaritas,
Darlings! My book, MISS BEHAVE, is finally live!! And to celebrate, I am giving you, my dearies, the chance to win one of two gorgeous necklaces! So pour yourself an icy-cold beverage and enjoy the read! You'd look AMAZING in this necklace, trust me, and you deserve it! Love and Margaritas!!!
In these days that seem flooded with hate, I'm going to take a moment on little ways that we can spread love. Because love and kindness is the sustenance of future generations.